Geezer candidates on a vacation

Column by Mary Stobie
Posted 9/3/19

As a geezer candidate, I find traveling has become a challenge. I discovered this when my husband Dick and I recently took a vacation in Steamboat Springs. The first day we lugged in a trunkful of …

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Geezer candidates on a vacation

Posted

As a geezer candidate, I find traveling has become a challenge. I discovered this when my husband Dick and I recently took a vacation in Steamboat Springs.

The first day we lugged in a trunkful of stuff packed for every weather possibility. Since we had never stayed in this hotel, our room was unfamiliar. Where would we stash our belongings packed in grocery bags?

Dick:  Have you seen my cell phone?

Me:  No have you seen mine?

Me: “Let’s check the car,”

No phones there.

Dick: Call mine on the house phone.

Me:  I can’t remember your phone number.”

Dick I can’t remember yours either.

After we solved the phone fiasco, later that afternoon  the sun shined in my eyes.

Me: Where are my new dark glasses?  I must have laid them down in the thrift store when I bought the lamp.

No luck there.

At the café where we had eaten lunch, the dork guarding the entry way stared at me.

Me: I left my Ray Ban sunglasses here at lunch.  It could have been our table or in the women’s room.

Dork:  Sorry lady, no dark glasses here.

Me:  I’ll bet!  You probably kept them for yourself to give to your girlfriend.

Dork: How dare you!

My hubby waited outside.  I hugged him.

Me: It must be the stress of traveling. My left brain is not connected to my hands! I need a mind-body connection!

Dick: Yoga might help.

The next day Yoga at the Botanic Park began at 9 a.m. The weather was glorious. Fifty people spread out in a large circle around the yoga teacher. Like everyone else, Dick and I sat in lotus positions on our mats. I took my hat off and laid it in the grass. 

Just an hour after yoga, I couldn’t understand my hubby’s words.

Me:  Dick, what did you say?

I felt in my ears. My right hearing aid was missing.  I panicked. It was worth over a thousand dollars. We checked the car around the seats. Then like a bolt of lightning I remembered I had taken my hat off during the yoga class.

Me: My hearing aid is in the grass where we went to yoga.

Dick: I never wear my hearing aids to exercise!

Me: But I have to wear them to yoga so I can hear the teacher say “down dog” instead  of ‘downy the dork boom boom.”

After an hour of crawling on our hands and knees, and feeling the grass, all we found were grasshoppers. I prayed to St. Anthony, the finder of lost things.

Me: Dear St. Anthony, please. Moments later I spotted my hearing aid in the grass.

Me: I found it! I found it!

I did a happy dance around the park. Thank you St. Anthony. I’ll make a donation to your church!

Our vacation improved after that.  We didn’t lose anything except our room key cards and cribbage pins.

As we prepared to leave the last morning, we piled our bags on the luggage cart. The maid came into our room. Dick talked with her.

Dick: If you find a pair of my reader glasses, call me. They only cost a dollar, but still I want them.

Maid: OK sir. No problem.

She probably thought we were geezers.  Maybe not total geezers, but geezer candidates.

Mary Stobie is a syndicated columnist and author. Signed copies of her memoir You Fall Off, You Get Back On are available at Boulder Bookstore, Pro Rodeo Hall of Fame and Buffalo Bill’s Grave giftshop.

Mary Stobie, geezers,

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